Let me offer some advice to everyone single AF who has recently moved: don't start dating someone almost right away. It can be wonderful and romantic and exciting to be discovering a new city with this person, forming all of these memories with him. And if it works out, that's perfect. You'll always associate places and first experiences with them. So if it doesn't-it will be so very painful. You don't have other memories to revert to when you don't want to think about your first coffee date.
As someone who has always made it a point to not allow her romantic life to take precedent over family or friends, the loneliness is also something new. In past relationships, while I spent a lot of time with my partner, I always made sure to spend just as much with my friends. However, I found I put significantly less effort into making new friends outside of work here because I could rely on the couple I already had, my dad, and the new boyfriend. These friends have been wonderful since it ended, but it's definitely not the same as having multiple groups so I always had someone to go to brunch, ice skating, the movies, or just hang out with at home. And my dad is doing his best, but the poor man hasn't had to deal with my dating life since high school. Oh, how things have changed...ha.
There are days when everything reminds me of him. The other day I was flipping through channels and stopped on a chick flick (figuring I've gotten to the point where romance doesn't immediately make me sad/angry, ha!). However, it turns out the romantic leads in the movie shared our names. Are you kidding?! A couple hours later I was listening to a podcast and one of the guests on it spoke at length about his all-time favorite movie-which I had never seen until we watched it recently. With the music, I know I'm bringing it on myself by continuing to listen to that which was meaningful to us. In the past I've stopped listening to certain artists or albums but I'm really trying not to this time. With my first boyfriend, it was Coldplay...later on the Lumineers. You can 100% figure out the timing of my relationships as they relate to what music was popular!
Because we spent so much time together, shared so many interests, and talked all. the. time. there are nearly constant reminders. I try to just frame it as immersion therapy (social worker alert!) and know that it will become less painful over time. I just can't wait for that day to come.
Any tips in the meantime? I'm all ears!